.::Prologue::.

Why the hell I am like this?
I am pretty sure that this question would have been asked by all to themselves at some point of their life. There are so many characteristics in ourselves, which we hate or for which we don’t have an answer as to why its like that. Some say its attitude problems, some say, I am pathetic, some say, I think too much, some say, I am a hottie, or very much short tempered. Why am I like this?

I agree, I get to react for very very silly things, and very small things, but I don’t know, I am like that. I am too lazy to take the leadership for helping hand, or to study more, or to take part in any activities. I feel I really need inspiration to move on or to do anything. People say, the inspiration comes from self but I have been calling out to the so-called self to help me out, but I guess its so ziddi (arrogant??) like me; it reacts differently at different times. Even for blogging, I never think too much. If given a topic to write on, I cannot write on it. And this is why I fail to write meme’s quite often. Its just that, some days I just woke up with that blogging mind and some other days with blank mind. The various thoughts starts cumulating up in my mind due to various triggers like the small silly things happening around me to others, or some specific behaviour of friends n family, or it could even be due to some words used by someone to me. I have wondered or rather asked my self, what I want to become, what is my goal, or what do I aim for, why I feel like doing this and that, what is worth and what not, what are my principles or values which I follow, blah blah… But as always, the vision is sometimes blurred.

I guess maybe if someone writes a biography on me, they would know why I have been like this, but only maybe.. The shaping up of genes and their properties is still a mystery to whole world, then why blaming each other for no fault of theirs! Why cant people accept as they are? I feel, maybe there is a limit for our brain cells, to bear the tantrums of another only to a certain extent, and when this limit exceeds, we tend to feel that the other person is not good or has a crazy character. Its their own deficiency that their cells or genes cannot adapt to the vibrations of the other, yet we tend to blame the others. Maybe this trait too is part of the common genetic disorders. This psychological science has always fascinated me, and I keep wondering on the behavioural traits of people. All those abstract terms, the common ones being good and bad, are absolutely relative… Few people shared the same thoughts of this relativity and I really miss the deep discussions we had over the same…

Other than the basic core cells already formed in me, I guess its more of the external stimuli like environment which we live in and grow up which makes up our behavioural traits. And till another external or internal ( wake up!!)stimuli triggers to provide me with the answers, I guess I will keep on asking myself, main aisi kyun hoon…..

.::Epilogue::.

So many thoughts, but very few words. This happens many times. When we feel like posting about something or the other, but we become the victim of the starting trouble disease. Today, its not only the starting trouble problem for me, I don’t even know about what to write about. So many random thoughts filling in the mind..

Thought of writing a nostalgic post about childhood, dad, mom, sis, about how we used to enjoy the Saturdays n Sundays at home, about how me, mom and sis used to go for films for watching movies, about how me n dad used to watch the cricket from the sofa in the hall, about how I used to watch the sanskrit news and the news for the impaired in DD1, about how I learnt riding the cycle, about the first time I was granted to ride the Kinetic by dad, while coming back from the tuition classes, about how he used to advice me on reading the English newspaper, Hindu, about how we all together enjoy the regional feature film at 4.00 pm every Sunday sipping mom’s tea, the cuddled nap (rather sleep) in Sunday afternoons, the school friends, the various singing classes, entrance tuitions, women’s college friends, the enjoyment of being among the gang, admission to engineering, college friends, bunking of classes, the group song rehearsals, the group dance (the first and also the last I guess) rehearsals, the leg-pulling, the semester and university exams, the campus interviews, the placement, shifting to Chennai, the missing of the good old school and family friends, sister’s marriage, newly born nephew, the times I took the first and second nephews in my hands, their staring eyes, and many more…..

Thought of writing about the Chennai memories, the Kelambakkam, Baba Ashram, the training classes, the first hostel life with the room mates and hostel mates, enjoying the cyclone with Antakshari and songs, the glances of the northie boys, the canteen, the dhaba, the learning of new languages, making new friends, sharing the stories with people, moving to new flat with new room mates, getting adjusted to the various situations, sharing their silent tears, their ups and downs, their anger, their frustrations, the group outings for films and beach and shopping, the boring lonely days, sharing of personal life stories and their secrets and fears, the marriages, the career growth and many more…

Thought of writing about life, human beings, the intrications of human mind, brain, body, the diseases, the curable and non-curable, the patients, our loved ones, the short-living nature of life, the pressures, the tensions, the tears, the fears, the emotions, the greediness for money, luxury, the changing life-style, the hip-hop style, the bare truth of death, the comparison, the dreams, the unfulfilled wishes, the innumerous people of the world, love, faith, friendship, and other relations, the various beliefs for which we fight for, the past relations, the years we lived so far….

Aaah.. I am getting headache……I don’t know what to write in this post yet… better stop now..

Online friends, or unseen or unmet friends…

It had been my old habit of talking to strangers. The world of internet had opened to me long back, a new way to make new friends. Being member of various tech forums( don ask why I joined them! ), I had so many acquaintances to whom I could chat online in yahoo/msn messengers. There was a peak time, which even persuaded me to enter the chat rooms and I was chatting in 3-4 windows simultaneously with strangers starting with the “asl”. I don’t remember the names now, but I do remember that I had talked to one person who claimed to be from Pakistan. And there was also another person who was so talkative and so impressive in his talk and humour style. Now, when I think back of those days, a smile or rather a sheepish grin originates around the corner of my lips.

Though I had been the regular member of Tech Arena and then the Tech Enclave, it all started with the Digit forums. There are some long lost members who know me (and vice versa) by just an online name and nothing more. But there were few who kept the relation going, and thankfully to them, it is still active, through some strange bond, and also with the help of the common link Chennai, blogging and of course the messenger! Over these years, I knew them only through the posts they make in some new tech forums, the yahoo chats we have, and the photos in orkut, the mobile smses, and very few have gone up to the stage of mobile calls (that too some calling almost daily or twice a week!). The chains were missing in between for a while, but I guess its the Time who linked the broken links of the chain to bring us more closer. These unknown but, friendly strangers, have grown close to play important roles in my life in the form of brothers, friends and some more than that.. It is indeed a strange experience, to discuss with a person, whom you never met, though you have either seen the face or heard the voice. And especially, when they grow up to become your closest friends in your life, just like one of the Top friends in Facebook. The relation may get worse or better after the meet, but I guess its always the same whenever you meet any of them for the first time. Though I agree and I should warn others to be careful while disclosing the details to your online friends.

The month of October has lots of memories related to me in the past two years. And I hope, this month it will turn out to be yet another memorable month. Before any such meeting with online friends, I always feel an excitement, creating a big hush of waves in my mind shore, of past storms, of the hidden consolation, or of unknown future.. Maybe I am again just into such an emotion, as usual…

Hmmmm……

A simple book. I felt it like a film. This story takes place in England. There are two parallel tracks, one is about the love story of Leela and Roger and the other is the problems faced by Leela’s father, Tekchand in the factory he works for. Both tracks are described beautifully and independently by the author. And towards the end, it has a grasping twist which lasts an strong impression in your heart for a while…

I liked the book for the detailed description of the author in simple words of the pain felt by residents living outside India. The small small simple things about India and its land and the traditional living, for which its famous for. The book is written long back I guess, and I can see the reflections of the old traditions and customs of the times of the farmers and landlords. The difficulties in earning for your family doing small jobs abroad and all..

The book also portrays the feelings and emotions of a young girl. A growing woman in her initial stage, struggling with the traditional values and also with her dreams and wishes. Though the place is different, I guess it could be felt by any girl living with the family far from their village home town, say, even in any metro city.

To say as flaws, I did not find any, except that the work trouble may not be liked the present generation, who does not think of the simple village life, but instead prefers to settle abroad…Hence altogether, i would give 8/10 for this sweet novel.