Silent passengers…

The rise of a new dawn,
Or is it another dusk,
Yet another week forlorn,
When bygone memories sink

Change is needed indeed,
But not that much to carry the soul away,
Thats too much then I feel,
To live a life with dead hearts which doesn’t awake,

Some say, life is a quest,
From which we churn the answers,
And very few do we trust,
Amidst the hunt, without fears,

Why the customs n the rules,
If they cannot sustain the bonds,
Its hard to live like a mute,
To pertain to life without fonds,

But why blame the rules, when the near can stand
To wash away the pearls and golden moments,
As if all the hope and love I do is just pretend,
And giving back is not worth even a few cents!

Its time I realize my priorities; they explain,
But to foresee not, the throne i bestow them,
Their blindness do pricks, and thrusts damn pain,
After all, how can they do to me such a maim!!!

High Tide

Jan 6th. May 25th. April 10th. April 28th. June 14th.. so many numbers. I still can’t believe it. Can you?

So many things happening around. Majority of my friends and college mates are getting married this year in 2008. Few already did in 2007. Did they too go through all I am facing now? Some say yes, its all natural and blah blah. But I guess it depends on how you approach the practical aspects apart from the dreamy world you live in. Some just close their dreams and move on with hard-hearted attitude. Some not-so-strong people like me, keep thinking why this is happening, why it didn’t happen that way etc, and keep brooding our minds with mixed thoughts.

Within these two months, there had been huge waves of hopes and dreams and uncertainty.The tide kept changing between high and low. Its almost like I am being dumb and deaf to the outside world and I am tending to withdraw within. As if people have moved on thinking my future is sealed. As if they need not help me anymore. As if they cannot be close to me anymore. There are so many to advise my future decisions, but none to pull me or with me to sail the boat in the turbulence. Some say R.K is there, why I am considering myself alone. Does that mean, married people never feel lonely? I had thought of inter-weaving the interactions with the two separate worlds and thereby forming a new Universal Union of which I can be part of the intersection. But as of now, all are dislike sets and member A is wandering here and there trying to find out its identity to where it belonged to. Career, Shifting location, new life, new friends, the responsibilities, the uncertainty and so on, on one side. The old friends, the inter-woven threads of memories, what about them? Do any of them still miss those sweet moments and chemistry we shared among us even now? So many has got scattered by the winds of time, and the thread seems swinging heavily.

When will the tide be calm?

PS: The PMT sucks!!! (the M stands for marital!!)

In Retrospect… Happy New Year!

Its another new year. As usual, I was watching TV when the clock striked twelve, watching how people enjoyed new year all over the world. This had been my routine from my childhood. This habit had been guided by my own sister, who was a TV freak, and especially with the special new year programmes aired on the same, we were almost glued to it on new year’s eve.

Over the last two years, the routine had changed owing to my change in location to Chennai. But this year, it was refreshing to be at home again. As I sat along the sofa surfing the channels, the time was playing itself rewinding all the memories in front of me. How the times have changed.!

I was there, lying on my sis’ lap watching SRK’s latest movie climax. And Amma was preparing dinner, Appa watching the film over the dining table, and advising me to come and sit beside him, with the usual dose of advice that eyes will go kaput if I watch that idiot box at such a small distance.

I was there in the inner room, when my brother-in-law came to see my sister at Cochin. On the way back home, Amma and sis was talking about the groom. The engagement was decided on Jan 4th and I was in my 9th about to join my class after X’mas holidays. On Feb 14th, my bro-in-law had sent a red balloon heart to my sis. I don’t remember whether they had talked over phone, just as in the new generation where in they don’t wait for “ladki dekhna” function to start phoning each other.

I was there running around the tensed Amma and Appa during marriage preparations. The wedding card was plain and simple; the wedding had to be held in Cochin near the groom’s house; the sarees were brought from Nagercoil, for which we travelled in bus for 3 hours. I hated the saree and jewellery shops from childhood and the huge rampo revolving around it. And for the same reason I don’t remember any of the other preparations.

I was there, carrying the shoulder bag and purse of my parents nearby the wedding stage. I was about to enroll in my tenth standard when this happened. I still remember the wedding hall and the known faces present for the marriage. My sis was forced to wear saree as per the old tradition, which no one had ever worn in these days, and being the old-fashioned custom prevailing, my parents were eager not to say a word against the groom family, though it meant crushing sis’s wishes. And then when leaving sis at her new home, I saw the tiny drop at the corner of her eye and I wondered why…

Now I am here on another Jan 4th in Chennai after celebrating new year at my sweet home.

I still cannot believe that I had been living independently for two years and that too far at a metro city like Chennai! There had been many sweet and sour experiences over these years. Every year have one or the other memories or milestones which I came across. I have met so many friends, and I am happy that I could understand myself better through them. As my Amma says, there are lot many things I have to know in this world, and I prefer to learn it the hard way. As some one said, experience is the best teacher. But with all these happenings in these two years I am not able to segregate the thoughts together. Life is moving very fast without giving time to plan my present or the future, not that I am expert in it, but still.

I would be there, in the hall this Sunday Jan 6th at Kollam. All the eyes would be on me, on what I have worn, as if checking out, just as I had done at all the similar functions I attended. But very few of them would be knowing whats going on in my mind, when I would be walking across. The rest would be small kids roaming around wondering, why such a crowd here, collecting the memories to write another similar post after ten years…

Strange how some events repeat year after year…!

PS: I am getting engaged to R.K on Jan 6th 2008 at Swayamvara Auditorium, South Collectorate, Kollam. All are invited…

Happy New Year 2008!