The story plot at times and at many many places may sound very unrealistic. But its a fiction book. Unless you provide the fictionary part it becomes non-fiction. So I discard the irrelevant script of abroad trip and other impractical scenarios.

The twists and turns,the portrayal of the major issues of Gujarat and also India was good. I have seen the riots, the fights over religion in news and also in another film, Kazcha, based on the same and it had always let me down. On top of it, the tint of politics just added to the distaste.

There were instances I loved the subtle humor. The theme of love story didn’t interested me, though the love story did looked cute initially. The struggle of Govind to live, the disappointments, the resurrection after the unsuccessful dreams, and the cinematic climax were the only good points.

Overall I could rate it at around 6/10. Have you read this book? What is the rating???

I loved her round and cute pink face,
Which left me at times in a daze.
Many a times she combs her straight hair,
But as always, she gives up in despair.
I tried initially to convey, but in vain,
That she looked a beauty even in plain.

We travelled in Chennai and went round,
Sharing the old and creating new memories all around,
Being the bubbly and talkative she is,
I would always nod my head in every 2 mins.

We shared the bed and our secrets, but never crossed our path,
We did fight, but always in silent wrath.
But when i fill ill, she gave silently a pill,
And cooked rice, when she never did it before, even for a drill.

Many walked into our lives, and many went away,
But we both saw it through without much sway.
We were called man and wife by some of them,
And we never bothered to correct any of them.

As I stand wondersruck at God’s gift to me,
I wondered about both of our fate and destiny.
I am now forced to leave her there,
Not knowing when to meet her somewhere.

I could feel her pain of loneliness,
But dear, I am also devoid of happiness.
Though I have few friends and an elder sister,
They can never replace you at all, ever either.

I will always be happy at my fate,
To get such a wonderful first room-mate.
As time and life forbids, we met now with parting eyes
But as you said earlier, never ever say good byes…

People thinks or assumes its cos of RK’s return to bangalore. I don’t think at all in that way.

Some unknown bizarre phenomenon is twirling me up in its intense pool of thoughts drifting me away to a strange land. I wonder is it cos of relocation to a new location. But I am aware of the truth too. And i m ready to face it too…

What else it is then? The thoughts of threads strangling and swaying in the winds of life? Wondering whether it would sustain the turmoil? I could feel the anguish and the crying inside. I feel weak. I could hear my heart sagging with unknown burdens. All the eyes are piercing me. Wait.. they are not eyes. No one is looking at all.. I guess i am imagining things.

Why am I always so strange? Does people hate me? There would be atleast some who subscribed unknowingly to this blog, and who would now be wondering at their silly mistakes now. Hmm…

The black hole is again pulling me with its unlimited magnetic power. Its hurting me hard. Too hard…

Since then, I had loaded and loaded more into it, using the mass uploader option of flickr.com. Initially I was having hard time, knowing about sets, collections, and groups, but slowly as any hardworker conquering and completing its assigned task, I mastered them (er.. did I… yet??!!).

Then came the catch! I was notified that what I was experiencing over the weeks were just a trial version of the paid version of flickr which was about to expire in few days! And I was not about to pay hundreds just to show case my photos. I was not an official photographer!

The limited version created a hell lot of probs, one of which was the archive!!! They archive automatically the older photos and I was not able to see or edit retrieve it back!! What the hell was it! They were like capturing my precious photos in a deceitful way and asking ransom now to give it back!??? They should have mentioned it, rather Yahoo should have mentioned all these details when they help out their customers in transferring the photos to other third party agents!!!

I have stopped using it, and I am transferring my photos to other places (as of now its picasaweb.. don’t know when its going to deceive me now! ) slowly, and trying to recover the old ones from the archive of flickr!!! Phew man! what a task!!!

Every second passing by, I am trying to come to terms with the reality. Of my marital status and future life. The unknown heavy source asking me to brush off my past and asking me to move ahead in life. The same force which lashed onto me when I was forced to land in Chennai… But that time, things were different. I needed a change and was inclined to step into the world. I had very few friends and most of them were leaving hometown like me… So though the pain was there, I could sense it in everyone, and I could hear their silent prayers and vows in their minds to keep in touch…

But here, I am gonna miss something. Maybe the few friends left out whom I am gonna miss badly… very badly.. Or maybe the good moments we shared with each other with the whole gang… Or maybe the bitter experiences which taught me to face life… Or maybe the Chennai beach which always listened to me…

Words are short to pen down the memories which I treasure in the corner of my heart.. The innumerous people I met, some who came into my life and are still here, and some who have gone away already, the talks, the phone calls, the meets, the shoppings, the films, the getaways, the random musings, the feelings, the mutual understanding, the smiles, the tears, the conflicts, the pain, .. all seems to happen few seconds ago.. how time flies by….

I am gonna miss Chennai. But I have a long way to go. And all that I can do is to pray to myself and to ask the people I miss…
To join hands in preserving the sweet memories…
To strive hard to work out the sweet relation we share..amongst the various phases of life…
To take pains not to lose the closeness and the respect we share for each other as life is very short and the world is so dark..
To keep in touch…..

People keeps asking how is the new life. As if I have resurrected from an escaped car accident! Maybe I have changed. Have I? As they say, everything lies in the eyes of the beholder. My perpective may be different from others.

I am blank for past few weeks. So many things happening, new relations, new families, new environment, new friends, new town. I agree everything is new. But aint I still the same? I don’t feel myself now. As if I have been pushed to a new world. But if I rethink, I am not absorbed by the new whirlpool yet. I guess I am on the edge. If you ask what’s on my mind, I am unsure. There were so many I wanted to think of, but it doesn’t settled on one lest to pour them out! There are so many things I am missing now, but also excited of the uncertain life ahead. It seems strange when people who knows you treats you as someone else, but it also feels good when unknown people starts respecting you for being Mrs. I know I am not just a friend or a daughter anymore, I am more than that… But… Is it that being too good to me, has disadvantages also?

I feel I am losing my self, even when I am gaining a new identity… What am I now??!!

There is excitement and prevailing tension,
The voices and huzzle-buzzle, not to mention,
All as part of the so-called preparations,
To mark the beginning of a clear vision.

Thoughts, dreams and fears are high in the air,
Overwhelming the rattles and the sounds bare,
Colored with shades of red and gold, except hair,
They stand apart and aloft, amidst the glare

The uncertainties of career and priorites loomed,
Encircled by relatives, she looked within so gloom,
Friends were here and there, but yet seemed so quiescent,
And too much of making fun, had left him reticent.

There they were, far at the corner, tired but relieved,
Shedding few tears of joy and happiness,
At seeing the blessings being showered,
Sighing at the thoughts of upcoming bliss…

Two pairs of eyes saw them with ease,
To give a helping hand, and to wipe their tears,
To receive their burden of responsibilities,
To lighten their heart, they always were on their heels…

Its my marriage with RK on this May 25th at Ananthashayana Auditorum, Trivandrum, Kerala. All are invited.

Spiritual enlightening books. How do they motivate us? Do they?

I have been reading quite a few ones, like Alchemist, Tuesdays with Morrie, Fish, and some ways to achieve success etc. Most of them carry a single message and keep repeating it through every sequences/scenarios.

People are mostly composed of oscillating thoughts comprised of their dreams and practicality. They do have so many options of living life, the various established (un)realistical myths of right and wrong. The difficult part is to choose to follow. We do accept or hear various views, keeping apart our opinions and views in backend. We sometimes criticize or are empathetic to them, with profound established view point to various matters. There are matters of heart, relationships, money, ambitions, studies, love, family, and many others and innumerous diverse scenarios as much as a writer can be deeply immersed in.

How to accept yourself to follow and choose the selected path is quite easy, once you have selected the factors. They keep juggling inorder to form a balance in life, but there would be some ethics based on which we select the path. To frame the ethics, both material and immaterial ones, is of utmost importance rather than selecting the path or goals. Don’t you think so?

For example, everyone loves their family and their self. They are one of the top priorities along with money. Being selfish is humane, but it need not be purely opposite of selfless.

I don’t deny the definitions, and the established rules of life, they may have some experience - biased reasoning which is high above our understanding. But until we are able to interpret the course of life fully enough to understand its depth, we do can, rather we do alter its basic definitions. That’s just a phase of life when we question and find their answers. The phase when we start framing the ethics. Does that mean, we need to get all the answers to our questions to frame our ethics and thereby select the path to live? Need not be, and I am sure we won’t be getting the answers, we do get, but unsatisfactory. Its just that this is the phase we need to mould more, to create a more happy life. But then why no books available pertaining to this point?
Or is it that I missed some of them?

..::::..

11 months ago:

It was over 5.30pm. The first bus was at 6.30pm. The new mail notification was smiling at me at the system tray. It was the mail from him.
“Hello, when leaving?”
“Not decided. What about you?”
“Not much work today. I may leave by 6.30”
“Hmm..Ok, catch a seat for me too”.. “if possible..”
“If possible huh??? I will think about it..”
“Keep thinking.. But inform me before the bus goes.. , I wonder what is there to think!!”
“Like whether I need to bear your chitchat whole while in bus n all…”
“..What!!…”
“..hehe…”
“……”
“…”

..::::..

He saw me, but there was no smile. What did his eyes said? I couldn’t understand. Were they trying to say something to me? We took the steps down together, and he was at an arm’s distance..

..::::..

7 months ago:

“Hello, why so silent?”
“Nothing.”
“Thinking of something?”
“Hmm…”
“What happened?”
“Nothing happened.”
“Say na.. Cant you say to me?”
“Hmm.. The same old things…”
“Hmmm… its ok.. why spoiling the day today thinking all those. Just shoo away those thoughts na.”
“Hmm.. Yeah..”
“Hmmmmm…”
“Hmmmmmmmm…”
“Hmmmmmmmmmmm…”
“Now what happened to you? you too started?”
“Yeah.. everyone has problems, not only you..”
“What problems?”
“There are some..When are you leaving?”
“maybe by 7.30”
“hmm.. ok will talk in bus..”
“okay. Dont think till that time na..”
“ya…”
“….”
“…”

..::::..

He was walking in silence. In his own thoughts as always. Today was Friday, and he was in his jeans and casuals.He has tucked in the shirt today. Strange. He never does that. New change over time? Hmm. Maybe.

..::::..

5 months ago:

At 7.15, I swiped out my card and he joined me at the corridor. His eyes were playing and twinkling.
“Sorry…”
“What for”
“To make you wait.”
“That’s ok..for you only na..What was the big work..”
“Uff.. That TL… Ho. I was sitting without work ya.. He just pulled me to help and …”
“…..”
“…”

..::::..

He was now walking in front of me. As if I am not there. As if in a hurry. To compete in a race. The race of life? Or maybe to just sustain in the world. Survival of the fittest? I was again behind. As usual. I would be there whenever he turns back. To say bye. To talk if needed. To support if he falls back. To carry him forward.
After few paces, he would turn right to the parking lot. And I need to go straight towards the bus bay. He turned without saying a word. I wished to turn back and see him going. But I didn’t. I could see him in the transparent glass reflection. It reflected all the memories behind.
I walked on… In my silence… In my thoughts…
The images were sliding as if in a film reel. As if the spikes of wheel were turning one by one… Over the months…
It indeed was wheeling away. My bus.
I checked onto my watch. It was sharp 8pm.
I missed it….